Take Control Back From Tantrum Throwers

First let’s talk about the fact that every once in a while, someone’s going to get angry. Sometimes people do things that hurt our feelings, or they try to take advantage. So if your partner blows up on you one or two times in a year, or even over the course of a few months, it probably doesn’t classify them as a controlling tantrum thrower.

What constitutes a tantrum?

Here is a list of behaviors to recognize as tantrums and aggressive behavior:

• Inappropriate level of anger to the situation
• Angry facial expressions and aggressive body language
• Enraged, red face
• Ranting and raving
• Yelling and screaming
• Shouting profanity
• Throwing things
• Stomping and storming around, violently slamming things

Tantrums tend to be cyclical with controlling people. They also seem to occur with very little provocation. If the controlling person has once again caught you off guard with a spectacular display of anger, then you can probably assume they are using the tantrum tactic to get what they want and make others feel small.

What should you do if your partner or someone close to you is throwing a tantrum?

Avoid trying to rationalize with them.

Controlling people usually have deep-seated emotional issues at the root of their behavior. While throwing a tantrum, they may legitimately feel angry or even extremely angry at that moment. Their emotions are out of control and maybe they have tossed in a little bit of drama and exaggeration for emphasis.

It is pointless to reason with a controlling person when they’re on this trajectory. Your best bet is to retreat to a quiet, safe space if possible. If the person seems threatening, then you may want to stay still and assume the calmest demeanor that you possibly can, given the circumstances. Then get away from them, even if only to a nearby room.

How to bow out gracefully when throws a tantrum?

Once the controlling person has cooled down and stopped raging at everyone, as mentioned, you can decide that you would like to vacate the scene to regain some composure. Quietly excuse yourself. You can say that you’d like to take a walk. Or just make a quiet escape to your own space in the home if you have space available.

Usually, once a controlling person’s anger has diffused post-tantrum, they lose interest in anyone else who was present. That’s because this is all about them and has been the whole time. Once they have fully transferred their angry energy and made everyone feel terrible, their mission has been completed whether they realize it or not. So it won’t be hard to slip out in the aftermath.

Can you head off the tantrum?

One thing you can do if you have a controlling person in your midst is to head off the tantrum. Sometimes you can feel it coming, like electricity in the air. A conversation may seem to be gaining tension. Or, maybe the person is nitpicking and becoming angrier and angrier.

TIP: use any excuse in the book not to be present for the big blowup. Take an imaginary call. Claim that you have to use the bathroom and then don’t come back. Casually mention that you have something you have to take care of, and quickly and quietly disappear.

This doesn’t actually do anything to stop the person from doing what they do. But it will help you avoid conflict. This will be helpful, especially if you feel threatened by this person or if they have impacted your emotional well-being with their epic displays.

Another thing you can try is talking to the person who gets angry. Whether or not you get through will really depend on how rational and reasonable they are. However, if they’re in the throes of an epic tantrum, you’ll have to wait until later because they can’t be reasoned with at this moment.

Is it even possible to talk with someone who throws tantrums?

People with strong personalities may display varying shades of controlling behavior. Some people are completely overbearing and you simply cannot have an honest talk with them. Other people only revert to controlling behavior once in a while, but otherwise seem to have some level of self-awareness. If that’s the case with you and this person, then you may want to sit them down to hash out the problems in your relationship.

Explain that you feel uncomfortable in their presence when they’re behaving in this manner. You might even suggest that they seek anger management counseling or join a support group. The goal is to help them find other coping skills rather than taking out their frustration on family and friends. Best of luck! Remember, though, that mature, mentally healthy people don’t throw tantrums.

Next: A 4 Step Plan to Break Free From a Controlling Person | Previous: Manipulative Gifts: Unwrap Control