Fixing How You Talk To Your Partner

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man and woman who don't know how to effectively talk to partner yelling at each other — photo by **Timur Weber** from **Pexels**

Why communication is important

Communication is extremely important in any relationship, especially with your romantic partner. It’s more than just asking “How was your day?”. Communication is the deep conversations that build and strengthen your relationship allowing you to be closer and help you stay on the same path. Learning how to talk to your partner is key to keeping your relationship healthy.

Poor communication

Poor communication in your relationship leads to a feeling of not being heard, constant arguing, and dissatisfaction in the relationship. And it can lead to one or both of you acting defensively, giving you poor self-esteem and low self-confidence.

Suggestions

Here are some suggestions on what to do when you feel like you can’t talk to your partner.

Be patient and know that nobody communicates perfectly. Be patient and express your thoughts as best you can.
Listen to what your partner is saying without judging.
Consider writing down the conversation, especially if you are feeling defensive. Writing it down helps you remember the conversation so you can reflect and speak about it when it’s your turn to speak.
Don’t get attached to how you want any conversation to turn out. Be aware of how your partner is feeling. It’s important to tune into their feelings and emotions especially if they aren’t comfortable communicating.
Be mindful of your love and respect for them.
In all your conversations be honest with your partner. When you communicate with truth and clarity from a place of love, you’re reinforcing the strength of your connection to your partner.
Slow down and take deep breaths especially if stuff is coming up for you. This allows you to calm yourself so you can listen.
Don’t take their complaints personally. Be accepting of the other person’s opinions, feelings no matter what is going on.
Don’t judge, get defensive, or shut down. Stay open-minded and ask questions that help your partner open up to you, revealing what is bothering them.
Ask them to reframe something if it triggers you. Asking them to say it in a different way doesn’t put you on the defensive.
Take a time-out pause if the conversation doesn’t seem to be going anywhere or emotions are flaring out of control.

Learning how to communicate with your partner when they have shut down also means learning how to have better conversations. You are in control of how you communicate with them by using the mentioned techniques. Better communication equals stronger relationships.

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