Hi, I am Michelle!
I am a caregiver. Caregivers perform the powerful act of giving to others of their time and energy. Caregivers are human beings that anticipate and implement the care of others.
From age 8 to 11, I was a reluctant caregiver to my two younger sisters. Our mother became our father’s primary caregiver as diabetes began to seriously impact his health. The scope of my role as a caregiver was beyond what I could comprehend at that young age.
A Willing Spirit
As an adult, I became a willing caregiver with my spouse, our three children, and when needed, for our parents. My routine was simple. I would invest three months of high energy care at work, at my kid’s school, their extracurricular activities, my husband’s entrepreneurial ventures, and our church. This unrealistic level of care was unsustainable. It led to decision fatigue which led to caregiver burnout that I created.
Decision Fatigue versus Burnout
What is decision fatigue? Well, it could be described as a milder form of burnout. If decision fatigue is like running a mile then burnout is like a marathon. An adult can make thousands of decisions in a workday. The difference between decisions made in the morning versus those in the evening vary because our energy depletes throughout the day and it reflects in the time, we take to make decisions.
For example, if you jog a mile the muscles you use, and your lung capacity vary from the time you start in contrast to state of your body at the end of the mile. Read more about decision fatigue at The New York Times.
A typical burnout cycle began with ongoing decision fatigue that led to two weeks of fatigue, binge eating (Praline Caramel frozen yogurt and Symphony chocolate bars were my favorites), depression, and altered sleep patterns.
How to Outsmart Burnout
To outsmart burnout, I tried changing my career to reduce my stress and I told myself the reason was to allow for quality time with my family. I did want quality time with my family; while, my personal remained untapped. However, my attempts to balance a career and family brought stress and were often ineffective. This perpetuated my pattern of burnout.
My new career in mental health care was a blessing in disguise. My job training introduced me to the concept of patient centered care. After several years of working with a mental health care facility, I began to look at my own self-care. It didn’t exist.
“I thought that pampering or caring for myself was selfish.”
My mother, the original example of caregiving for me, encouraged quality time for myself like getting my nails done. I felt guilty for scheduling a manicure. The process of receiving a manicure was like 10 root canals, one for each of my fingers. I thought the money for a manicure could buy something for my family or our home.
My sisters gave me cash gifts for birthdays and holidays, often with the card stating,
“Do not use this for your children only for yourself.”.
Ok, I heard the hint; but I didn’t know what to do about it.
I was attached to the idea of a caregiver that only gives and rarely receives. Essentially, I was trying to be a modern-day version of the Virtuous woman in the Bible.
My last career change to mental health care started because I was studying psychology. My studies introduced the concept of ‘well-being’ and the five different types of well-being (Social, career, financial, physical, and community).
After several years in healthcare and earning my master’s in psychology, I was downsized by my employer. The downsizing of my job with this mental health care facility was a blessing in disguise.
“With every act of self-care your authentic self gets stronger, and the critical mind gets weaker.” – Susan Weiss Berry
I connected with a job coach to begin my search for other employment. My coach, Judy Smyer, was great! She helped me connect the idea that my personal strengths could translate into a career that I would love. Judy was right.
I finally learned how to outsmart burnout. First, planning for my success was vital. I started with a self check-in
How I Can Help
A Tailored Life Coaching was born to share lessons from my journey as a longtime caregiver suffering from decision fatigue, guilt, and burnout. The mission of A Tailored Life is to deliver supportive lifestyle coaching services so that caregivers have the tools they need to overcome their conflicted feelings about self-care and recognize how maintaining their well-being enables them to serve.
I know that self-care can shift your life in such a way that you will gain a new perspective on how to approach each day. The benefits of self-care include reduced stress, more productivity, and improved well-being. I believe the path from burnout to self-care begins with a self check-in. Ready? Let’s go!
